Do you smell that? Seriously take a deep breath, close your eyes, what do you smell? Vanilla lotion? Where the hell are you? No dummy it’s the smell of leather, peanuts and moldy beer. The Pepperites are back for another glorious season of fantasy baseball and we have the pre-season report all prettied up for a quick Friday read.
Where do we start? The holdovers? Sure, absolutely, let’s get all judgy on your choices. First off, stop with this ridiculous, “There are too many holdovers, the league is too thin.” Shut-up, seriously shut-up. Four of you babies voted for 5 holdovers. When I review the first round of our draft, you’ll see that you’re babies. The second best pitcher in baseball joined the NL this year. We had two full rounds of players that will surely be holdovers next year. That’s two players added to your current holdover list. Sure, some of you had some weak holdovers, but the Rumples inherited one of the worst teams ever and Yoshii threw last season to get the first pick. Other than that, your teams look strong just from the holdover overview. So kindly shut the fuck up and suck a dick you babies. We will not be voting to reduce holdovers for 2016 and this coming from me who has four, yes four of my holdovers going back to the pool.
1. Hoppers: After last year, I had 13 top 100 players in mixed leagues. So 13 top 50 NL players. I had to say goodbye to GaCole, ColeHam, KoWong, TyRoss, Benoit, StarCastro, Fiers, on and on.
2. Pimps: Second best set of holdovers in my mind. Even had to let Lynn, Gio, Trumbo, Dickinyourson, JoFernandez
3. MightyMightyManagerTones: Also had to send back to the pool a solid support staff of NeWalk, Errenado, Morenot, Cuddme and Liriano. Then he let Holliday go back to the pool. Big big balls on DougieFresh.
These three teams sent back the bulk of what you guys drafted for your team this year. I pretty much guarantee those weren’t all draft picks. Waiver wire work, scouting, etc. You name it we did it to build these rosters. So again stop crying. Seriously. Play the game.
No need to review the rest.
Look I have a few comments. I think this year’s draft was the deepest we’ll ever see. None of you have any excuses. More pitchers came over to the pitchers hit league and they got drafted very high. Lots of guys ended contracts, like the best hitter in baseball, so again the pool was deep. It looks as if everyone prepared. Great…should make for a competitive first part of the season. Here is how I see it in order of Draft Grade:
1. Bill Gagnon. A Just a solid draft and things just fell his way. Did you see his pitchers? Scherzer, Cole Hamels, Teheran are solid starters. Outfield looks poised for a big year. The 4 C’s of Curtis, Carl, Carlos and Charlie might be the second best outfield in our league. Don’t scoff at CurtsGrand he is having a great Spring and the Met’s are looking to be an 80 win team.
2. Yoshii. A- Fuck off. I know what you did and even with the 50/50 odds you won the coin toss for first pick. Then you go and draft a very good team. Could be the Cleveland Indians of the Pepper league this year. He might have a few holes, but knowing Jim, if he pays attention to this team, he’ll fill em.
3. New Guy. B+ Who are you? Are you the guy still slinging casino games? You drafted well John Doe. You inherited Foley’s wasteland and you built a full roster of talent. Really a nice draft. A little thin at starter until JoFer gets back, but you might even be a top 5 finisher with that draft. By the way Mr. Doe, don’t count on Archie Bradley. Just saying.
4. Soldan. B I don’t like the pitching depth issue, but he has a lot of power. I mean a lot power. He probably won’t hit above .251, but he’ll make up for it power.
5. Martin. B Again you had a very religious team, very holy and lots of work to do in the draft. You did a decent job. Although taking Strasburg over Tulo and Scherzer might come back to bite you in the butt. We’ll see.
6. Spears. B Good draft. Not many holes to fill except at starter and you filled them with the usual drunk dials. Wood, DelaRosa, Lynn, etc. Top 3 guys no matter how well he drafts. 2014 was his worst draft ever and he still ended up in 3rd. Rock solid to win, place or show.
7. Doug. B- Good draft. Fell apart at the end with the MR guys. Not sure that makes sense when your had an outfielder and a Util guy to get. Also, Gerrit Cole is not an Ace and you have a roster full of aces. Bat free and lovin’ it and you took Scooter.
8. Hoppers. C+ Self critical of my draft. Left a lot on the table to get pitchers. Uggh. R-E-G-R-E-T
9. Garrett. C- Anyone who declares “Outside of my first few picks I’m satisfied with my draft.” Dude you took Kolten, batting 8th, Wong over top tier studs in the first round. Nobody took their picks down to the final second more than Garrett and then the Cub picks. LaStella, Coughlan, Hammel…man.
10. JL. D+ I love you buddy but that was a disaster. That was almost as bad as the Saturn salesman drafting Cubs, while negotiating leather and sunroofs. Latos is the jinx of all rosters. Just ask all of us. I don’t think he’s been on a winning roster ever.
So to review. The teams with the biggest holes, filled them well. Great work. The teams with later draft picks, not so well. Should balance out this league and make for a fun season.
Here are my pre-season predictions:
10. JL – Holes. Stanley Cup should keep you busy this summer.
9. Garrett – Pitching. Kershaw and Kennedy and then what?
8. Martin – Just can’t see this team gelling. Lots of locker room nonsense with KRod strangling Mike Stanton’s step-dad
7. Doe – Spirited run but wheels fall off
6. Eisenman – Just not a fan of the other guys. Holdovers were awesome, other guys not so much
5. Soldan – Good year, good draft but the pitching will bite him in the butt.
4. Yoshii – Why not. Team is mediocrely good.
3. Spears – Pitching. Bats look good, but this might be a tough year and for Spears that means 3rd place.
2. Gags – Just like the Clips, all that talent and no championship. Now that Spears is a full-time UME consultant, Gags will have some interesting tips on who to trade for and pick-up. I’m sensing collusion. The biggest and best runs of his Pepper career. The league will be cheering him on to win, but nothing can stop the mighty mighty DOUGTONES….
1. Doug – The pitching and the pitching, the pitching. Upgraded his bats from last year and has the makings of a solid championship team. I hate Garrett Cole, but whatever, he’s the fourth starter on this team. Need to trade for a bat. Scooter wins Championships.
My picks for predicted craziness for the Pepperfresh this season:
Rookie of the year: Kang…hahah Just Kidding! Jace Peterson.
MVP: Stanton. Just stay away from Mike Fiers
Comeback player of the year: Harvey & Pedro Alvarez & Shelby Miller
Cy Young: Scherzer
Biggest trade: Cole Hamels leaves for the Mariners. Bautista comes over from Toronto to add some late season power to the Mets for a run.
Biggest bust: Freddie Freeman. No RBIs because that line-up is awful.
NL Champs: Cubs (why not)
NL Surprise: Padres make it to the playoffs
Okay I’m done.